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Natural Awakenings Central New Jersey

Change the Dating Game to Work in Your Favor

Oct 02, 2016 11:32PM
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” — Unknown

Do you equate this quote with dating? If you do, it’s time for a change. All it takes is a willingness to believe the first two bullets and to practice the last:

  • You are deserving of love right now, just as you are.
  • This pull you feel toward love was given to you to be fulfilled.
  • Declutter your heart and mind to let in love.
Whatever openness you have now can grow. Faith gives you the courage to keep your heart open and only let in the one who is right for you.

Here is the good news. You do not have to get it 100% right or perfect. There is a universal grace that will more than make up for what you are unable to accomplish humanly.

Start with the commitment to be true blue to you. This is self-love, and includes getting to know who you are, and treating yourself the way you would like to be treated. Although it can be great fun to get a massage or update your look, truly treating yourself well doesn’t require a lot of money. This self-love starts on the inner. As you create a friendly environment towards yourself on your own heart and mind, the world around you will reflect that love back to you. Not only will you attract love, you’ll have become more yourself. And with that poise, dating becomes a more joyful exploration.

Here are some specifics for you to practice to transform your dating experience:

Recognize and Respect Yourself: You truly are one in a million. That’s how many sperm competed to incarnate as you. That means that every bit of you is meant-to-be and precious. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more magnetic you become.

Be genuine. The more authentic you are, the easier it will be for your love to find you. You’ll be hanging out in all the right places. As you become true to you, your happiness and smiles will draw lots of attention.

Honor yourself. You do not have to earn or deserve love. If you have a pattern of becoming depleted or used in relationships, you are probably giving to get which is giving from lack. Instead, give from joy and appreciation for a mutually beneficial connection. Practice receiving more gracefully.

Release and Reframe: Dating is not a popularity contest. You really don’t want everyone to want to be your love. You’d have too many choices to make. You do want to reframe dating. See it as an opportunity to explore connection and to clarify what is right for you.

Rejection is not real. Rejection is protection from the wrong fit. Yes, it hurts and you may not turn around and release on a dime. You can reframe it. Truth is, this person freed you up for your love. Later, when you’re with your love, you’ll wonder why you were so upset.

Redefine dating. Any opportunity to explore connection is a date. If you’re shy, traditional dating may put too much pressure on a situation. Special interest groups and clubs are great opportunities to explore connections and interest.

Get good at releasing. I cannot emphasize this enough. The Universe will respond to the clarity of your feelings and actions more than your words. When you claim a love that’s good for you, you need to release the people who keep you hanging, guessing and begging. If they tell you they’re not good enough for you, believe them. If they break up with you, let them go.

Focus upon the good you do see. Turn the evidence of love around you—each couple you see—into reinforcement that you get love instead of using it as a reason to feel left out. Having 1-2 dates before moving on can be seen as progress for someone who may have stayed too long in something unsatisfying. As you practice drawing affirming conclusions, you will bounce back more easily and magnetize better experiences.

The energy used to attain is required to maintain. Instead of pushing for what you want, such as sex or commitment, back off and allow it to flow organically. You see the connection for what it really is and whether it is right for you.

Lisa Caroselli is a Certified Love Attraction Coach (CLAC) and Licensed CLAC Trainer. She was mentored by Kathryn Alice, author of the bestseller Love Will Find You for six years, and moderated Kathryn’s Love Will Find You Yahoo group during that time. She has been a licensed RSI spiritual practitioner, and has over 25 years experience facilitating adult learning. Learn more about Lisa at

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