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FATHERHOOD’S PAIN AND GLORY

We Must Face Our Own Story First

by Chris Bruno

have worked in the corporate world, served as a missionary in the Middle East during 9/11 and the Iraq War, been assaulted with a knife, launched a small business and a nonprofit and suffered deep loss at the early deaths of dear friends, but nothing has terrified or paralyzed me more than fathering my own son. It has demanded me to first face my own father-story with an intensity and intentionality I would rather flee than engage.

My parents more than adequately provided for my physical needs. I had friends, lived in the suburbs and even had a horse. From the outside looking in, I had nothing to complain about. Any time the haunting ache of father-hunger emerged from my soul, I quickly squelched it, telling myself to simply move on. It is the story of most men in my generation.

I continued to live as if all was well until I married and had a son of my own. I was now a father, and the weight of this title sent my soul into a tailspin. What is father? Who am I as father? What does it mean to father? And finally, with the force of a left upper jab to the jaw: How was I fathered? I realized that to father him, I, myself, still needed to be fathered.

In my conversations with men about their father-stories, the most frequent sentence I hear is, “My dad did okay. He did the best he could.” But no child wants an “okay” dad. Every child longs for a dad to know, see, pursue, hope, envision, create and bless. Franciscan friar and author Richard Rohr states, “If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it in some form.” Untransformed pain from our father, whether from his absence, vacancy or violence, will inevitably be transmitted to our children.

I can only take my son as far as I myself have gone. Our sons were born into an already existing story—our story—and for them to know who they are, we need to know who we are, in all of our glory and pain. From this place of freedom, we can usher our sons into a manhood we can come to know together.

 

Reprinted with permission from Chris Bruno, the director of the Restoration Counseling Center of Northern Colorado and the president of the Restoration Project. He is the author of Man Maker Project: Boys are Born, Men are Made.

 

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Tick Talk

Spring officially sprung on March 21. We have turned our clocks ahead. We are looking forward to warm winds, sunny skies and the smell of fresh cut grass. The daffodils and tulips have recently bloomed and we are just starting with the yard work that comes with the warmer weather.  Sadly, another season has started ramping up.  Tick season.

•             The best form of protection is prevention. Educating oneself about tick activity and how our behaviors overlap with tick habitats is the first step.

•             According to the NJ DOH, in 2022 Hunterdon County led the state with a Lyme disease incidence rate of 426 cases per 100,000 people. The fact is ticks spend approximately 90% of their lives not on a host but aggressively searching for one, molting to their next stage or over-wintering. This is why a tick remediation program should be implemented on school grounds where NJ DOH deems high risk for tick exposure and subsequent attachment to human hosts.

•             Governor Murphy has signed a bill that mandates tick education in NJ public schools. See this for the details.  Tick education must now be incorporated into K-12 school curriculum. See link:

https://www.nj.gov/education/broadcasts/2023/sept/27/TicksandTick-BorneIllnessEducation.pdf

•             May is a great month to remind the public that tick activity is in full swing. In New Jersey, there are many tickborne diseases that affect residents, including Anaplasmosis, Babesiosis, Ehrlichiosis, Lyme disease, Powassan, and Spotted Fever Group Rickettsiosis.

•             For years, the focus has mainly been about protecting ourselves from Lyme disease. But other tick-borne diseases are on the rise in Central Jersey. An increase of incidence of Babesia and Anaplasma are sidelining people too. These two pathogens are scary because they effect our blood cells. Babesia affects the red blood cells and Anaplasma effects the white blood cells.

•             Ticks can be infected with more than one pathogen. When you contract Lyme it is possible to contract more than just that one disease. This is called a co-infection. It is super important to pay attention to your symptoms. See link.

https://twp.freehold.nj.us/480/Disease-Co-Infection

A good resource from the State:

https://www.nj.gov/health/cd/topics/tickborne.shtml

 

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