Childhood Friendships: How To Support a Kid’s Social Development

Supporting a child’s social development today means setting aside outdated assumptions. What once felt simple, like walking up and saying “Hi” on the playground, may require emotional scaffolding today. Kids face a more complex and often emotionally charged social world, so the way we guide them needs to evolve, too.

Joanna Faber and Julie King, co-authors of the bestselling books How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and How to Talk When Kids Won’t Listen, offer a compassionate framework for supporting children through friendship conflicts. “In the moment that a child is in distress over a social slight, the first thing we can do for them is to offer quiet sympathy instead of a game plan and a pep talk,” they write. “Sometimes just a sympathetic sound is enough. Resist the urge to lecture, ask questions, or give advice. … Your restraint in not jumping in with questions and advice shows trust in your child’s ability to manage her own relationships.”

This gentle, emotionally attuned approach is backed by child mental health experts who emphasize that emotional safety is the foundation of healthy social development. “Children thrive when they feel seen and heard,” says Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, a clinical psychologist and integrative pediatric mental health expert. “Social skills don’t grow in a vacuum—they’re cultivated through repeated, safe interactions where kids feel supported, not judged or directed. When adults approach social challenges with calm empathy, they send the message that it’s okay to have big feelings and that mistakes are a part of learning.”

This doesn’t mean stepping back entirely. While Capanna-Hodge warns against the temptation to micromanage social interactions, she does suggest alternative actions. “We have to stop swooping in to fix every peer conflict,” she says. “When we do that, we unintentionally rob children of the chance to build problem-solving and coping skills. Instead, guide them gently and give them the language to express themselves. That’s what truly sets the foundation for deeper, more meaningful relationships.”

One key strategy Capanna-Hodge recommends is co-regulation, a powerful technique where adults model calm and emotional steadiness, especially when a child is dysregulated or distressed. “We talk a lot about self-regulation, but kids need co-regulation first,” she explains. “That means being the calm in their storm—breathing with them, validating their feelings and staying present without judgment. That’s how they learn to calm themselves and respond, rather than react, in social situations.”

Connection Is the Heart of Growth

Friendship is not just a social bonus; it is a developmental necessity. As caregivers, educators and parents, the focus is not to orchestrate every social moment but to create the conditions where trust, empathy and connection can flourish. By modeling emotional presence, offering tools for regulation and holding space for kids to navigate the ups and downs of friendship, we empower them to build lasting, meaningful relationships. These moments of quiet support may seem small, but they build social wisdom that lasts a lifetime.

As Capanna-Hodge advises, “The best gift we can give our children is the belief that they can handle hard things, especially when it comes to friendships. When we trust them, support them and walk beside them instead of ahead, we teach them how to be kind, confident and resilient.”

As discussed in a 2017 research article published in the journal Social Development, children’s friendships and their ability to navigate them matter. Friends engage in more complicated social activities, talks, tasks, cooperation, negotiation, altruistic activities and effective conflict management. In a world that often feels fast and fragmented, the ability to build deep, authentic connections may be one of the greatest gifts we can offer the next generation.

Christina Connors is a writer, singer and creator of a YouTube series for children. Learn more at ChristinaConnors.com.

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