This April 26 will mark six years since I came closer to death than I wish to recall. On that day in 2015, I was wheeled into the unknown by neurosurgeons as I locked eyes with my two children; not knowing if I would see them again.

Yet here I am. I am a survivor, always have been and will continue to be so for all who depend on me. Each day I continue to unravel my purpose here and each year I experience brand new challenges that were not predictable. What I have come to realize is maybe this is just it—this is my life, an ever-changing tapestry of experiences that are both good and bad. A healer once told me that my life will resemble a bell curve with many ups and many downs, and that it is my job to remain sane and strong during it all.

2021 marks the beginning of an adventure that will formally begin in 2025; my hike through the A.T.; otherwise known as the Appalachian Trail. This endeavor is one I have waited many years to come to fruition and it is one that I will not do alone. My son will be there with me; experiencing the wonders of nature and the challenges that will enter our paths. These challenges will be welcomed and test not only my physical ability, but more importantly my mental capacity and psychological stamina. 

My desire to hike 2184 miles through the Appalachian Mountains is one that I have difficulty rationalizing to those who ask. Maybe it is my desire to connect with the earth, to watch the rise of the sun or moon while I bathe in the arms of nature. Quite possibly it is my overwhelming need to feel a sense of utter exhaustion after fulfilling a life-long desire of mine. Maybe it is the excitement I see in my son’s eyes when we discuss our plan. Or maybe, this trip will bring me one step closer to…me.

My life may not be all that different from those reading this. Maybe we are all inquisitive as to the why, the how or the when. What I know is that to wait to accomplish our life’s desires is succumbing to fear. I will not be fearful any longer, and my hope is that nor will you. I hope that through this experience I will understand more about who I am, what I am capable of, what nature will provide for me and what I can truly dispose of literally and figuratively. I hope to connect with a soul that was born in 1972 and has lived more chapters than the author anticipated. I hope that this beautiful earth will provide me with all that I need. I hope to walk 2184 miles back to the most authentic version of me; bare bones and naked.

This life is one that needs to be appreciated, all of it. In summary, I suppose I am tired of wondering “why”; so instead of imagining all of the reasons; I’m going to live them. My wounds come from the same source as my power, and I will love them all equally.

Nicole Zornitzer, ERYT 1000, yoga therapist, founder of Niyama Yoga & Wellness Shala, located in Randolph, New Jersey, and Upper Lake Mohawk in Sparta, New Jersey. NiyamaYogaShala.com.